The Guardian Rulebook
by whitetiger2194
Summary: As we go through life, we learn many lessons. Sometimes we learn these lessons in hilarious, embarrassing ways that become great stories. The Guardians have lived for a very long time. What kind of stories do they have to tell? (this is pure crack. you have been warned.)
1. Chapter 1

_Well, guys a plot bunny attacked me and it made me write a crack fic. So here you go, hope you enjoy.  
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_Summery:The Guardian Rulebook- here are the Rules of the Guardians. By reading this you are agreeing to never discuss these books contents, or the stories behind each rule. Once the book is closed the incidents mentioned inside are never to be spoken of again._

_or:_

_As we go through life their are a lot of things we learn. Sometimes we learn those lessons in absolutely hilarious ways, the kind that make excellent stories. The Guardians have been around for a long time. What types of stories do they have?  
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_Warnings: mentions of canonical death, drunkenness, cruelty to a child.  
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_I do not own Rise of the Guardians, and I have no money, so please don't sue me.  
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* * *

"North?" an annoyed Jack Frost called as he walked into the deserted globe room at the North Pole. "North I got your signal, what's the problem. You know that this is my busy season! You interrupted the biggest snowball fight New York has ever seen. If this is some kind of joke…" he broke off as he spotted the other guardians standing around a table looking at him. "Oh hey, guys. What's up?"

"You've been a guardian for almost a year, right mate?" Bunnymund asked, though he already knew the answer. North moved away from the group, going to his office, and shutting the door.

Jack looked over at North's closed office door in confusion as he answered. "Yes…"

Tooth took over at this point. "We thought it was about time to let you in on some of the secrets that come with being a guardian."

North returned at this point, carrying the book that Jack had seen the others looking over the time he had gotten injured last summer. He carefully hid the fact that he had seen it before, as this was defiantly something he should not have known about. North placed the book down on the table, and then put his large hand over it, leaning over the table so he could look down on Jack. "Jack Frost, do you swear not to reveal any of the information that you learn from this book? Do you swear not to repeat anything that you are told today?"

Jack suddenly realized that this was serious, and nodded solemnly, saying, "I do."

North grinned, removing his hand from the book. "Well, what are you waiting for?" he said when Jack didn't move, "go on, and look at it!" So Jack did.

It was an old book, its red cover slightly faded. The gold lettering on the front, which said,_ the Guardian Rulebook_, was still brightly visible. The letters shimmered slightly as Jack picked it up, looking it all over. the first page had a introduction scrawled on it in faded ink. Jack leaned forward, trying to read it.

_Beyond this page are the Rules of the Guardians of Childhood. By reading this page, you are swearing not to reveal the information you find herein. If you continue past this point, it is with the knowledge that revealing the information herein, you must face the consicqences. The contents is never to be spoken of, except when this book is before you. Guard the secrets within this book with your life, and you will find many secrets._

When he looked up at the others curiously, North started to explain. "This book contains all of the lessons we have learned in our long lives." Here he looked sheepish, "these are not always lessons that are easily learned. In fact, learning them is usually long and difficult, not to mention embarrassing."

Bunnymund stepped forward then. "We're trusting you with these stories," he glared at the boy distrustfully, "and if I find out that you repeated the things we tell you to anyone, you will wish that you had never even heard of the guardians." The two glared at each other for a few minutes. North laughed loudly, "Well, let's begin! After all, it will be lots of fun to tell these stories. Let's start with the time that…

JACKFROST*TOOTHFAIRY*EASTERBUNNY*SANTACLAUS*SANDMAN*

Later, Jack was flying in wind, back towards his little pond. North had offered him a room at the North Pole for the night, but Jack had declined, saying that there was something he had to do. Jack looked around, making sure that no one in the area could see him, and then pulled a dark shape out of his pocket. In his hand was the small black recorder that he had borrowed from Jamie.

With a grin, Jack moved on, hiding the machine again. The others had only said that he couldn't repeat what he heard, they had said nothing about recording it. He grinned, didn't Jamie have that friend who wrote fanifiction?

* * *

_Yes, I put myself in the story! this is going to be a collection of short, humorous points in the guardians lives together, and how sometimes things go wrong in funny ways. I've got a few ideas, but if you have any suggestions, please feel free to send them to me, and I will try to work them in. _


	2. Chapter 2: Rule 38

_This chapter isn't as funny as I wanted, but I wanted to get it out quickly. By the way, the numbers are going to be completely random. Most are going to be before Jack becomes a guardian, but I'll have a few with Jack as well. Enjoy and Please Review! _

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Rule Number 38: No one is to disturb North during his vacation except in the case that someone is about to immediately die, or Pitch is about to destroy the world.

North didn't get a lot of time off. This was easily seen by anyone who knew how much work he did, making sure that there was a present for every girl and boy in the entire world, watching to see which were good and which were bad, and delivering the gifts to all the good children in one night was exhausting. But when North did get time off, almost nothing could make him leave his vacation once it started.

Well, almost nothing. North was having a wonderful time vacationing in the Caribbean during the first week of January. He was having the best time soaking in some sun, when he looked up into the sky to see the bright lights that the mortals around him seemed unaware of. North growled, this had better be life or death.

Snatching up his emergency snow globe North set it for the North Pole. Stepping through the portal to the globe room North was not expecting to accidentally step on something. With a shout, North went sprawling on the floor, hitting his head on the way down and giving himself a horrible headache. Shaking his head, he staggered to his feet, and then looked around. Instead of the other guardians standing there waiting for him, there were several elves thrown across the floor near the Northern lights emergency button, seemingly having stood on top of each others shoulders to reach the controls. Several yetis were also in the room trying to herd them back.

North glared around the room, then said, "Someone better explain what's going on right now. And their better be a very good reason why you called me back from vacation early, or you are going to spend the rest of your lives out in the stables." Pure, utter silence fell over the room, that was broken suddenly by Sandman accidentally breaking a window as he parachuted into the room. North groaned, he could feel his headache getting worse by the second. He had a feeling that his day was about to get much worse.

"…by the time the rest of us had gotten the signal and reached the Pole, North had completely chewed out the elves _and_ the yeti's that were supposed to be watching them. It took us hours to finally calm the big guy down." Bunnymund finished the tale, his feet up on the table, smirking as the others started laughing, remembering North's face.

Jack cocked his head to the side. "But why did the elves press the button in the first place?"

Bunnymund started chuckling himself then. "We never did find out. You know how short an attention span the elves have. By the time North stopped yelling at them, they had entirely lost interest in whatever they had wanted."

"And that's why," Tooth said as she finally was able to control her giggles, "the elves are never left unsupervised in the globe room. And why the guardians are the only ones allowed to raise the alarm."

Jack nodded, and then thought for a second. "But what happened to the elves?"

Those made everyone stop, trying to remember. Bunnymund turned to North with a frown on his face. "What did you do with those elves?"

North stroked his beard, a smug smile on his face. "Oh, this and that," he hedged. "I made sure that they learned their lesson. And let me tell you, that was one thing the elves wouldn't forget!"


End file.
